birth control should be required to get into college
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
soo... how was my night?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
