The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
