omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
