my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love having hate sex.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
