it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
