So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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