I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
