Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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