we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.