We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i will never coherently bang her
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
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i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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