What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
