I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
