i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
