yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
