just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
