I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
