I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Randomize
