that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
