and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
