I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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