I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
