The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
