i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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