I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
soo... how was my night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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