im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
