Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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