just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
