we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
