I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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