Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
