So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
