id be glad to
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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