She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
