You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't deserve a penis
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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