Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
