You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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