Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
