We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
