thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
