Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
