You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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