I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
