Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
