I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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