Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
