accomplished twins. life is a go
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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