Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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