And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
