can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
