I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
