I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
