He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
