Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
