Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
