i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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