I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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