You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
