If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize