I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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