there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
