You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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