just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
