; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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