Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
