Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
