Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
