woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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