I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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