Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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