I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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