that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize