Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
