Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
