is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
