I hate your face
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
