ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ketchup is God's man juice
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I love you.
Bad choice
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
