there's paper in my vomit.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
