How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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