in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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