do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
