But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
