I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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