just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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