Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
