Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
