And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
