He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
