there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
