I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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